Collection of Funny Jokes Shayari SMS
A boy goes to see a cabare dance. His mom gets angry &
asks him: Did You see anything there that you were not supposed to see?
Boy: Yes, I saw dad.
***
A father to his adopted son "Whats the height of laziness?"
Son replied "What more than havin an adopted son..
***
A girl comes late to class. TeacheY r you late?
Girl: One boy was following me.
T: So what?
Girl: The boy was walking slowly..
***
A girl wearing very short skirt. A boy asks he Won't yr mom tell anythng abt your dress?
Girl replied: My mom will b very angry, bcoz I'm wearing her dress.
***
A heart Melting luv story. Girl:I Cant Marry you , my family members refused.
Boy: Who r dey to Stop Our luv?
Girl: "My husbnd & 3 CHILDREN"!.
***
A kid went to school for the first time. Teacher told her if you had your go your Toilet,
raise your index finger. Kid is puzzled n asks,Thats going your stop it?.
***
A police recruit was asked during exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"
He said, "Call for backup.".
***
A Student goes into a library & asks for a book on suicide..!
Librarian: "Get lost dude, you won't bring it back..
***
An American couple had a black baby, The husband did not believe that it was his baby.
H - Why is the baby black?
Wife - you Hot, i Hot,Baby burnt..
***
Boy & girl in restaurant. Boy - i love you . Girl - i dont love you .
Boy - think again? Girl - i told you NO
Boy - waiter,bring seperate bills. Girl-i love you too...
***
Boy Asks A Girl: Can you Dance With Me.
GIRL: I Dont Dance With a Child.. BOY: Sorry, I did not Know you were Pregnant..
***
Boy- From the day I m your friend, I m not able to eat, drink or smoke.
Girl- how sweet, so you r madly in LOVE with me..!
Boy- SHUT you P..!!, you made my pocket empty..
***
Boy: Mummy, if I failed in this exam I'll commite suicide.
Mothe'Shut you p! Never say that. If you try to do so I'll just kill you.
***
Boy: Y did Gandhiji have no hair on his head? TeacheIts sign of inteligence
Boy: Now i you ndrstand y girls have so long hair!
***
College Joke of the year:Lecture"Ur head is full of cow dung..
"Student: "Oh, that's why, you eat my head everyday."
***
DAD TO SON: When i beat you how do you controll your anger.
Son: I START CLEANING TOILET
DAD: how does that satisfies you ? SON:i clean with your tooth brush.
***
Dad: if you Pass in the exam i will Present you 1 Cycle.
Son: if i fail? Dad: i will Present 10 Cycle.
Son: why? Dad: To Open Cycle Shop..
***
Dad: Why aren't you doing well in history?
Pappu: Because the Teacher keeps on asking things that happened before my birth.
***
Devdas’s matrimonial ad - Wanted wife. Age no bar! Height No bar!
Luks no bar ! Caste No Bar! But gal’s father shoul have his own Bar..
***
Doctor implants New Ear your a man
Man: "U fraud,U gave me a woman's ear" Doc: It makes no difference
Man: "It does,Now I hear everything but you nderstand nothing"
***
Driver:is der no tree on dis road? Passengr:Sir,u r so great, I lik your social mind.
Drivr: Stupid,bus's brake has failed.
***
Elephant & Ant were walking on a bridge Then D elephant lookd down to the river
Sudenly ant Bited D elephant. Why? Bcoz ants wife was bathing in D river.
***
English Teacher: Make a sentence you sing "Neither-Nor" Naughty boy Student:
When girls wear tight fitting dresses, "NEiTHER" are they comfortable, "NOR" are we!.
***
FATHE How r your grades, son? SON: you nder water, Dad. FATHE you nder water?
What do you mean?SON: They're below C level..
***
Fath Which r d your hardest things you learnt in College?
Son: Opening Beer botles wth teeth & Lighting Cigarete wth only 1 Match Left In Heavy wind!.
***
First Lady- "If you dont love your husband why dont you divorce him?
2nd Lady- Oh I hate him so much that I dont want to see him haappy.
***
Hello My son won't come to school today, he has fever.
Teacher: Oh,who's speaking? Boy: This is my father.
***
History Teache From where to where did the mughals rule?
Student: Sir, I am not sure but I think from page 15 to 26..
***
Hus: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It is Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
WIFE: No darling, its : With Idiot For Ever.
***
Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: why three? Husband: for you and your parents..
***
Indian- i have for sister n 3 brothers what abt you ?
American-i hav no sis or no bro but i hav for moms frm 1st dad n 5 dads frm my 1st mom.
***
JUDGE: WHY did you Shoot your Wife instead of shooting her LOVER?
MAN:Ur Honour, it's Easier your Shoot a WOMAN once, than SHOOTING a Man Every Month.
***
Kid: 'Mom who is God? Mom:God is neither male nor fmale not child,
not adult, not blak not white & he loves children
Kid:'Oh! Michael Jakson!'.
***
Lady sitting on a park bench. Beggar: Hi darling.! shall v have some fun?
lady angrily: How dare you? Beggar:Then What r you doin on my bed?
***
Lady: Is this my train
SM: No,it belongs to the Railway Company
L:Don't try to be funny I mean to ask if I can take this train to Delhi
SM:No Madam,Im afraid its too heavy.
***
Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
TeacheLittle Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom? Little Johnny: But I asked first!.
***
Man asks God: Y did you make women so beautiful?
God: So that you can luv her.
Man: Y did you make her so stupid?
God: So that she can luv you .
***
Movie director: in this scene you jump from 10th floor.
Actor: what if i die? director: Dats not at all a problem, It"s da last scene.
***
Physics teachr saw boy slepin Askd "Telme da you nit f power"
Boy woke you p n said-"What sir?" Teachr exclaimd"Ok Gud Sit Down!" What=WATT!.
***
Principal your students: you people must sleep atleast 7 hours a day.
Students: Impossible sir! College is only for 6 hours!.
***
Q: If a devil catches your wife, what would you do?
A: You can do nothing. if devil has committed a mistake let him face the consequences..
***
Q: Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?
A: He wanted to win the No-bell prize..
***
Rampa: what is the cost of hair cut? Barbe Rs20
Rampa: Then what is the cost of shaving? Barbe Rs10
Rampa: Oh! Ok please Shave my head.
***
Sam to Ram:Did you kill mosquitoes?
Yes. But why they still bite me at night? They must be widows of the dead ones.
***
School girl : I dont want to take SEX EDUCATION class
Teacher : Why not? School girl : Someone told me FINAL EXAM would be oral!.
***
Sir: B quiet boys!I hav a bad headache
Sdent: Why dont you do wot mum Does whn she has a headache?
Sir: Whats tht?Sdent:She sends you s out to paly.
***
Sir: Can ppl tell the future with cards? Sam: My mom can.Sir:Really?
Sam:1 look at my report card n she wll tel me wot happens whn dad gets home.
***
Sir: Tom, wot wud happen if there is a3rd world war?
Tom:Tht wud be terrible. Sir:Why?
Tom:There wll be another chapter in our history book.
***
Somu: Today my pocket got picked but my wif saved me
raj: Did she catch d thief? Somu: No man!She often removes most of d cash frm my Pocket.
***
Son: Mummy, dad is very honest..
Mummy: How can you say that..?
Son: Simple... He closes one eye whenever he sees any lady passing by...!
***
Teache Give An example to you se neither-nor.
Boy: When girls wear tight fittings, neither they are comfortable nor we are comfortable….
***
Teache"Where is Himalaya?" Student: "Madam, I dont know."
Teache"Dont know?? Stand on the desk."Student: "I still cant see..
***
Teachefour beautiful ladies r walking on the road.
Change it to Exclamatory sentence... Student: WOW!..
***
Teacher - Harbhajan is male or female?
Student: Female. TeacheHow? Student: Just now commentator told "beautiful delivery by harbajan".
***
TeacheHow come you do not comb your hair?
Boy: No comb, Sir. Teache you se your dad's then. Boy: No hair, Sir..
***
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
***
Teacher : Peter,why are you late for school again?
PeteWell, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.
***
TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today
that we didn't have ten years ago.WINNIE : Me!.
***
Teacher:Draw A Diagram Of Bacteria
Pappu:Here It Is Sir. Teacher:Where? you Haven't Drawn Anything
Pappu:Sir,Can you See Bacteria Withot Microscop.
***
Teacher: What was the first think Akbar did on ascending to the throne?
Student:Well,he sat down.
***
Teachewat is the relation betn earth & moon?
pappu: brother-sister. teacher:how?
pappu: we cal earth dharti mata & moon as chanda mama.
***
Teen boy: Dad I want to be like Ghandhiji
Dad: Good why not..!
Boy:Thanx Dad so lets start with marriage as Gandhiji were married at age of 14.
***
Two beggars met. Two software engineers met. Both asked the same question to each other.
Guess What 'So? Which platform are you working on?.
***
Two Cockroach were Hospitalized for Injuries...
1st asked:How come here, BAYGON?
2nd said:No Man, PARAGON...
***
What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge...
***
Whats the height of hope? A 99 year old lady going for airtel ka naya lifetime scheme.......!!
***
What's the quietest place in the world?
The complaint department at the parachute packing plant.
***
Why do you take your wife your night clubs only?
Laloo-By the time she gets ready no othr place is open.
***
Wife was teaching English Grammar to her husband.
Wife- 'I am Beautiful.' Which tense is this?
Husband- Past Tense.-.
***
Wife: I hate the Beggar who came yesterday!
Husband: Why? Wife: I gave him food yesterday & today He gifted me a book"How to Cook"!!.
***
Wife:Wherever we keep d money, our son steals it.I don't know what to do about it
Hus: Keep it in his ENGINEERING books. He'l never touch..
asks him: Did You see anything there that you were not supposed to see?
Boy: Yes, I saw dad.
***
A father to his adopted son "Whats the height of laziness?"
Son replied "What more than havin an adopted son..
***
A girl comes late to class. TeacheY r you late?
Girl: One boy was following me.
T: So what?
Girl: The boy was walking slowly..
***
A girl wearing very short skirt. A boy asks he Won't yr mom tell anythng abt your dress?
Girl replied: My mom will b very angry, bcoz I'm wearing her dress.
***
A heart Melting luv story. Girl:I Cant Marry you , my family members refused.
Boy: Who r dey to Stop Our luv?
Girl: "My husbnd & 3 CHILDREN"!.
***
A kid went to school for the first time. Teacher told her if you had your go your Toilet,
raise your index finger. Kid is puzzled n asks,Thats going your stop it?.
***
A police recruit was asked during exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"
He said, "Call for backup.".
***
A Student goes into a library & asks for a book on suicide..!
Librarian: "Get lost dude, you won't bring it back..
***
An American couple had a black baby, The husband did not believe that it was his baby.
H - Why is the baby black?
Wife - you Hot, i Hot,Baby burnt..
***
Boy & girl in restaurant. Boy - i love you . Girl - i dont love you .
Boy - think again? Girl - i told you NO
Boy - waiter,bring seperate bills. Girl-i love you too...
***
Boy Asks A Girl: Can you Dance With Me.
GIRL: I Dont Dance With a Child.. BOY: Sorry, I did not Know you were Pregnant..
***
Boy- From the day I m your friend, I m not able to eat, drink or smoke.
Girl- how sweet, so you r madly in LOVE with me..!
Boy- SHUT you P..!!, you made my pocket empty..
***
Boy: Mummy, if I failed in this exam I'll commite suicide.
Mothe'Shut you p! Never say that. If you try to do so I'll just kill you.
***
Boy: Y did Gandhiji have no hair on his head? TeacheIts sign of inteligence
Boy: Now i you ndrstand y girls have so long hair!
***
College Joke of the year:Lecture"Ur head is full of cow dung..
"Student: "Oh, that's why, you eat my head everyday."
***
DAD TO SON: When i beat you how do you controll your anger.
Son: I START CLEANING TOILET
DAD: how does that satisfies you ? SON:i clean with your tooth brush.
***
Dad: if you Pass in the exam i will Present you 1 Cycle.
Son: if i fail? Dad: i will Present 10 Cycle.
Son: why? Dad: To Open Cycle Shop..
***
Dad: Why aren't you doing well in history?
Pappu: Because the Teacher keeps on asking things that happened before my birth.
***
Devdas’s matrimonial ad - Wanted wife. Age no bar! Height No bar!
Luks no bar ! Caste No Bar! But gal’s father shoul have his own Bar..
***
Doctor implants New Ear your a man
Man: "U fraud,U gave me a woman's ear" Doc: It makes no difference
Man: "It does,Now I hear everything but you nderstand nothing"
***
Driver:is der no tree on dis road? Passengr:Sir,u r so great, I lik your social mind.
Drivr: Stupid,bus's brake has failed.
***
Elephant & Ant were walking on a bridge Then D elephant lookd down to the river
Sudenly ant Bited D elephant. Why? Bcoz ants wife was bathing in D river.
***
English Teacher: Make a sentence you sing "Neither-Nor" Naughty boy Student:
When girls wear tight fitting dresses, "NEiTHER" are they comfortable, "NOR" are we!.
***
FATHE How r your grades, son? SON: you nder water, Dad. FATHE you nder water?
What do you mean?SON: They're below C level..
***
Fath Which r d your hardest things you learnt in College?
Son: Opening Beer botles wth teeth & Lighting Cigarete wth only 1 Match Left In Heavy wind!.
***
First Lady- "If you dont love your husband why dont you divorce him?
2nd Lady- Oh I hate him so much that I dont want to see him haappy.
***
Hello My son won't come to school today, he has fever.
Teacher: Oh,who's speaking? Boy: This is my father.
***
History Teache From where to where did the mughals rule?
Student: Sir, I am not sure but I think from page 15 to 26..
***
Hus: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It is Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
WIFE: No darling, its : With Idiot For Ever.
***
Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: why three? Husband: for you and your parents..
***
Indian- i have for sister n 3 brothers what abt you ?
American-i hav no sis or no bro but i hav for moms frm 1st dad n 5 dads frm my 1st mom.
***
JUDGE: WHY did you Shoot your Wife instead of shooting her LOVER?
MAN:Ur Honour, it's Easier your Shoot a WOMAN once, than SHOOTING a Man Every Month.
***
Kid: 'Mom who is God? Mom:God is neither male nor fmale not child,
not adult, not blak not white & he loves children
Kid:'Oh! Michael Jakson!'.
***
Lady sitting on a park bench. Beggar: Hi darling.! shall v have some fun?
lady angrily: How dare you? Beggar:Then What r you doin on my bed?
***
Lady: Is this my train
SM: No,it belongs to the Railway Company
L:Don't try to be funny I mean to ask if I can take this train to Delhi
SM:No Madam,Im afraid its too heavy.
***
Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
TeacheLittle Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom? Little Johnny: But I asked first!.
***
Man asks God: Y did you make women so beautiful?
God: So that you can luv her.
Man: Y did you make her so stupid?
God: So that she can luv you .
***
Movie director: in this scene you jump from 10th floor.
Actor: what if i die? director: Dats not at all a problem, It"s da last scene.
***
Physics teachr saw boy slepin Askd "Telme da you nit f power"
Boy woke you p n said-"What sir?" Teachr exclaimd"Ok Gud Sit Down!" What=WATT!.
***
Principal your students: you people must sleep atleast 7 hours a day.
Students: Impossible sir! College is only for 6 hours!.
***
Q: If a devil catches your wife, what would you do?
A: You can do nothing. if devil has committed a mistake let him face the consequences..
***
Q: Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?
A: He wanted to win the No-bell prize..
***
Rampa: what is the cost of hair cut? Barbe Rs20
Rampa: Then what is the cost of shaving? Barbe Rs10
Rampa: Oh! Ok please Shave my head.
***
Sam to Ram:Did you kill mosquitoes?
Yes. But why they still bite me at night? They must be widows of the dead ones.
***
School girl : I dont want to take SEX EDUCATION class
Teacher : Why not? School girl : Someone told me FINAL EXAM would be oral!.
***
Sir: B quiet boys!I hav a bad headache
Sdent: Why dont you do wot mum Does whn she has a headache?
Sir: Whats tht?Sdent:She sends you s out to paly.
***
Sir: Can ppl tell the future with cards? Sam: My mom can.Sir:Really?
Sam:1 look at my report card n she wll tel me wot happens whn dad gets home.
***
Sir: Tom, wot wud happen if there is a3rd world war?
Tom:Tht wud be terrible. Sir:Why?
Tom:There wll be another chapter in our history book.
***
Somu: Today my pocket got picked but my wif saved me
raj: Did she catch d thief? Somu: No man!She often removes most of d cash frm my Pocket.
***
Son: Mummy, dad is very honest..
Mummy: How can you say that..?
Son: Simple... He closes one eye whenever he sees any lady passing by...!
***
Teache Give An example to you se neither-nor.
Boy: When girls wear tight fittings, neither they are comfortable nor we are comfortable….
***
Teache"Where is Himalaya?" Student: "Madam, I dont know."
Teache"Dont know?? Stand on the desk."Student: "I still cant see..
***
Teachefour beautiful ladies r walking on the road.
Change it to Exclamatory sentence... Student: WOW!..
***
Teacher - Harbhajan is male or female?
Student: Female. TeacheHow? Student: Just now commentator told "beautiful delivery by harbajan".
***
TeacheHow come you do not comb your hair?
Boy: No comb, Sir. Teache you se your dad's then. Boy: No hair, Sir..
***
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
***
Teacher : Peter,why are you late for school again?
PeteWell, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.
***
TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today
that we didn't have ten years ago.WINNIE : Me!.
***
Teacher:Draw A Diagram Of Bacteria
Pappu:Here It Is Sir. Teacher:Where? you Haven't Drawn Anything
Pappu:Sir,Can you See Bacteria Withot Microscop.
***
Teacher: What was the first think Akbar did on ascending to the throne?
Student:Well,he sat down.
***
Teachewat is the relation betn earth & moon?
pappu: brother-sister. teacher:how?
pappu: we cal earth dharti mata & moon as chanda mama.
***
Teen boy: Dad I want to be like Ghandhiji
Dad: Good why not..!
Boy:Thanx Dad so lets start with marriage as Gandhiji were married at age of 14.
***
Two beggars met. Two software engineers met. Both asked the same question to each other.
Guess What 'So? Which platform are you working on?.
***
Two Cockroach were Hospitalized for Injuries...
1st asked:How come here, BAYGON?
2nd said:No Man, PARAGON...
***
What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge...
***
Whats the height of hope? A 99 year old lady going for airtel ka naya lifetime scheme.......!!
***
What's the quietest place in the world?
The complaint department at the parachute packing plant.
***
Why do you take your wife your night clubs only?
Laloo-By the time she gets ready no othr place is open.
***
Wife was teaching English Grammar to her husband.
Wife- 'I am Beautiful.' Which tense is this?
Husband- Past Tense.-.
***
Wife: I hate the Beggar who came yesterday!
Husband: Why? Wife: I gave him food yesterday & today He gifted me a book"How to Cook"!!.
***
Wife:Wherever we keep d money, our son steals it.I don't know what to do about it
Hus: Keep it in his ENGINEERING books. He'l never touch..
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